


I Have Wounds Only You Can Mend

by whiteleander



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean Lance (Voltron), Altean Shiro (Voltron), Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other tags to be added, POV Multiple, Reincarnation, Shiro is bottling everything up, Some Cursing, Soulmates, there is development to be made, there will be development
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 20:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12175965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteleander/pseuds/whiteleander
Summary: Takashi Shirogane doesn't want to fall in love. Lance McClain thinks he has never been in love, or at least he has gotten over it.When the Paladins meet the Askeri, a civilisation that has the ability to actually recognise spirits from their former lives, Shiro and Lance learn some things about themselves and each other. They learn that their history goes back further than the Garrison.* ** *"Noticing the amazing view snaps Lance out of his introspection. What lies ahead is an endless carpet of colourful flowers; in shapes, forms and shades quite resembling to Earth’s flora. Walking closer all mesmerised, Lance reckons that it can’t be a meadow with wildflowers, since it appears well-arranged, shaped and continually maintained.It reminds him of their garden at home.Quite enchanted and a little nostalgic, Lance bows down to take a better look. This giant garden is so pretty, but he seems to be drawn to the section where the blue flowers are — he just always loved those for some reason. Not being able to resist, he smells one that looks similar to lilies, but he can't help the disappointment finding out that it doesn't smell like he expected."





	I Have Wounds Only You Can Mend

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Dottie, Chelsea, Mina and Tommo for helping me when I was stuck.
> 
> Title comes from Tom Odell's beautiful song ['Can't Pretend'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4-OxOmsqR0)

* * *

 

Takashi Shirogane doesn't want to fall in love. He simply doesn't have the time to, because having to defend the universe is surely a top priority over anything else. He doesn't even remember when he was on a vacation, let alone on a date.

 

However, Shiro often catches himself looking at Lance, thinking about Lance, getting annoyed with Lance when he's flirting with everything that could be considered a female and moves. More frequently than Shiro would like to, he recalls that moment when Sendak took over the Castle of the Lions and Lance got injured too; Lance could've _died_ then, the unsettling thought leaving Shiro pretty… conflicted.

 

For one, having to watch his teammates in discomfort and hurt while being unable to help them was something he never wanted to experience ever again, and for two…

 

 _No_ , Shiro insists, taking control over his emotions, shoving them to the back of his mind and sealing them carefully. He doesn't have time for unwanted feelings, especially not when they're about a painfully straight guy. He's doing his best to keep Lance, as well as anyone else out of harm, but he won't do that again; to fall for someone he has absolutely no chance with.

 

Nope.

 

Why he still ends up having his eyes so often on Lance is, Shiro persists, because Lance is just loud and eccentric, calling for attention like a moving circus. Shiro likes to think that he’s trying his best to stay professional and keep his distance, but that is really impossible with Lance almost always getting into trouble. As the leader, Shiro’s actual _job_ is to make sure everyone on his team is well — that is reason two why he is looking for Lance so restlessly now. _Strictly_.

 

They’re walking on Asker, a small, beautiful planet they've freed from the Galra, like, five minutes ago? They've just gotten out of their lions, but Lance is nowhere to be seen, probably wandering around as if they aren't on unknown territory that can be full of danger. He is just too welcoming and too trusting, naïve to a fault, which is both admirable and fatally stupid, making him an easy target. Shiro's stomach twists at the thought.

 

Scanning the nearby area, he soon spots Lance however — the Blue Paladin took his helmet off already, when Shiro told him to be cautious. (Lance just didn't pay attention to his warning, clearly.) The battle was _too easy_ , their opponent just escaped not long after they formed Voltron, which was simply too odd, for the Galra to give up a planet so easily, without taking actual effort in the fighting they just fled.

 

Allura briefly mentioned that the inhabitants of this planet, the Askeri, had maintained good relations with Altea in the past, but ten thousand years have passed since then. Even if the Askeri still welcomed Alteans, this could be just a trap, and they should be more careful, yet Lance is already being friendly with creatures he doesn't even know anything about. He seems at ease talking to someone, Shiro can't really tell who it is, but he has his guess.

 

A rush of irritation courses through him, he doesn't really want to analyse the reason behind it, and sooner than he could actually think it over, he is walking toward Lance with steady, quite rushed steps. The new Paladins of Voltron need to make a better first impression than one of them flirting as soon as his feet hit the planet.

 

* ** *

 

Apart from starting the morning with catching a distress signal and then battling a smaller group of Galra ruling over this planet, Lance decides it's a pretty good day. Asker is rather Earth-like, with bright blue skies, white clouds and green grass, that's why he was the first to come out of his lion after the Galra vanished, he just couldn't resist a view that almost looked like his home.

 

The only thing the place they've landed on is lacking is an ocean. There are small ponds, and one lake not so far away that he could approach in less than a minute with Blue, if only the reason behind their visit were sight— _planet?_ —seeing. But they're here to provide support for the people suffering under Zarkon, to bring hope for a better future.

 

There's always that contented, blissful feeling in him when he thinks about just how _important_ this is — he can make people's lives better. It is pretty cool to realise that he has a purpose, that he can actually do something for a greater cause. That's why he's trying his best, even if it’s just simply making friends with all sorts of creatures all over the universe. But that is just his biggest skill, he supposes; he loves befriending strangers, to get to know them and call them friends. That is also a pretty great role, right? He can consider himself the diplomat of the team!

 

Noticing the amazing view snaps Lance out of his introspection. What lies ahead is an endless carpet of colourful flowers; in shapes, forms and shades quite resembling to Earth’s flora. Walking closer all mesmerised, Lance reckons that it can’t be a meadow with wildflowers, since it appears well-arranged, shaped and continually maintained.

 

It reminds him of their garden at home.

 

Quite enchanted and a little nostalgic, Lance bows down to take a better look. This giant garden is so pretty, but he seems to be drawn to the section where the blue flowers are — he just always loved those for some reason. Not being able to resist, he smells one that looks similar to lilies, but he can't help the disappointment finding out that it doesn't smell like he expected.

 

_Wait…_

 

The strange thought leaves him a bit puzzled. What did he expect anyway? Maybe it's just homesickness getting to him. Whatever it is, Lance feels rather weird at this sudden sentiment he can't really identify, but he doesn't dwell on it too much — he simply doesn’t have the time to as he hears some noise from behind, simultaneously getting the feeling that he’s being watched.

 

Turning around he spots a group of creatures standing at the top of the hill where he has come from, hesitant about what to do with him. They appear both curious and afraid, which Lance can totally understand, knowing that the Galra have been terrorising them for who knows how long. The inhabitants of this planet — _Askerians_ , Lance recalls — probably haven’t even seen a human like him before.

 

Dealing with the pressure to the best of his abilities, Lance aspires to make the best first impression ever.

 

“You can come over,” he waves at the Askerians. “I come in peace!”

 

He giggles to himself, because he always wanted to say that. Although aliens having that line in movies eventually turn out to be hostile most of the time, so maybe he should avoid using the phrase? He has to talk this through with Pidge and Hunk later on, but now he's just hoping that the Askerians will trust him anyway. Wearing blue must be to his advantage, unless the colour has a different meaning for different cultures across the universe.

 

But hey, Voltron, Defender of the Universe has it, this planet has a lots of blue on it too, the sky and all sorts of flowers — Lance swears he saw something azure-ish fly by from the corner of his eye, and he really hopes it wasn't a giant, glowing mosquito — so the colour, his own, should be just fine, right?

 

There's no need for him to worry!

 

He's trying not to overthink this and stay as calm as he possibly can meeting an alien civilisation on an alien planet in an alien galaxy. But in this case, Lance realises, he is the alien, actually.

 

The locals, however frightened they must be, still inch closer, and Lance can get a clearer look at them: they're rather short, their bodies appear to be made of rocks, skin resembling the pattern of marbles, from shades of white, light blue and grey. Their eyes seem pitch black, which would otherwise scare Lance probably if he wasn't getting calm vibes from them, and they’ve got an all over amicable aura around them.

 

And if they turn out to be the opposite, well, Lance hopes he will have enough composure to find something out until his friends arrive.

 

As the group of Askerians get closer, they stop a few meters away from Lance, then one of them who seems smaller, much like a child, steps forward, approaching Lance shyly. They look at him in awe, big, dark eyes shining at him in wonder.

 

Lance always had a weak spot for children, he just adores their curious, playful nature. Maybe it's because he grew up in a large family so he knows his way around kids, being usually the one taking care of his nieces and nephews. Thinking about them Lance’s chest fills up with sadness, he only hopes they're well and that he can meet his family one day.

 

Forcing himself to snap out of his lethargy — there's a very important first contact to be made right here! — he kneels down to the small Askerian so they're both on eye-to-eye level.

 

“Hey,” Lance smiles. “What is your name?”

 

The Askerian seems to get startled when Lance speaks to them first, but they quickly recover.

 

“Nuu’a,” they say in a quiet tone. Lance already loves them.

 

“Nice meeting you, Nuu’a,” Lance says, hoping that his pronunciation of the child’s name isn’t too far off. “I’m Lance,” he offers his hand and waits for Nuu’a to do the same so he can shake it when he notices that Nuu’a is quite occupied with holding something behind their back.

 

“What do you got?” He enquires, peeping behind Nuu’a but unable to see anything. The Askerian frowns a little, then puts their hands forward, presenting a colourful flower crown coyly. Lance’s heart swells.

 

“Is that… for me?” Nuu’a nods.

 

“Thank you, Blue Angel.” Sheepish and hesitant, they give Lance a small kiss on the cheek after placing the flower crown on his head, but before Lance could even say a thank you, Nuu’a goes back to the others.

 

Another Askerian — who seems like an elder — steps forward, and however touched and emotional Lance may be, he stands up to meet them.

 

“Thank you for saving us,” expressing their gratitude, the Askerian bows. “I'm Mel'or, and I welcome you in our village.”

 

“I'm Lance.” Introducing himself again, he’s wondering what his name sounds like for the Askerians. Lance bows too, then he offers a hand out of habit. He loves cultures, getting to know foreign ones as well as sharing bits of his own. Mel'or is looking at Lance's hand, then up to his face, and just when Lance is about to explain how handshakes work, Mel'or speaks up.

 

“I know you.”

 

Voltron is a legend across the universe, Lance knows that well. Still, having such a great reputation sometimes feels like a burden to him; he doesn't really know if he can live up to all these people's expectations, so Mel'or recognising him makes his stomach tremble just a bit.

 

“You do? I mean yeah, of course you’ve heard of the Blue Paladin…” He sports his best smile, trying to feign self-assurance.

 

“No,” Mel'or protests. “I have seen you _before_.”

 

“What?”

 

Now that is pretty disturbing but maybe Zarkon plastered their faces on wanted posters all over the universe? If so, that dude really must hate their guts if he treats them like they were the _Daltons_.

 

This is a bit unnerving, maybe Lance should've waited for the others before jumping out of his lion. Mel'or doesn't seem malicious though, they look rather… excited and happy about recognising Lance, much like when you bump into an old friend, so maybe it's nothing too alarming, right?

 

“You looked a bit different,” Mel'or goes on, “but your features are all the same. Fairer hair, long, pointy ears… Yes, you lived on Altea!”

 

What the cheese?! That takes Lance by surprise, he can't even say anything really, despite the shocked squeak that escapes his mouth, but he wouldn't even have the chance as Shiro suddenly enters the scene, startling him.

 

“Lance? I told you not to get into trouble.” Placing his hand on Lance's shoulder, he shoves Lance away a bit, thus stepping between him and Mel'or.

 

“I didn't get into trouble!” Lance is defending himself but it's to no avail: Shiro isn't even listening.

 

“I apologise for the inconvenience—”

 

“But I didn't do anything!” Shiro can hear Lance's sulking behind him but he’s trying to ignore it.

 

“We’re sorry for the damage fighting the Galra did to your land,” Shiro says in a regretful tone. “We, the Paladins of Voltron are happy to help you out if you need anything,” he adds with a kind smile, offering his hand for the Askerian to shake. He soon reconsiders, coming to the conclusion that it must be a bad idea, since Mel'or is just staring at Shiro; the Askerian isn't even blinking and it's becoming more and more intimidating…

 

Shiro's about to ask what the problem is when Mel'or’s eyes shine up.

 

“I know you too!”

 

An unpleasant knot is forming in Shiro’s stomach hearing that. All sorts of creatures seem to have heard of him, or even known him from his time at the Galra arena, when he still can't fully recall the happenings from that period. It doesn't matter how many times it occurs, or how he's just become used to it by now, it's not any less troubling to meet people who seem to know him better than he does himself.

 

However shaken Shiro may be, he tries to stay poised and not to let it show.

 

“You probably have heard of me…” he goes for a friendly smile, but the stressed tremble of his upper lip surely gives him away.

 

“No…,” Mel'or objects. “I have seen you in your previous incarnation.” They cradle their chin in their hand, tapping on their cheek as they’re deep in thought. Then Mel’or peers at Lance, pitch black eyes suddenly bright as realisation hits. “Yes! You lived on Altea… With him!” Mel'or points at Lance whose jaw basically drops.

 

“It's so heartwarming to see you two have found each other again—”

 

“Hahaha, what a funny guy,” Lance, regaining his composure, cuts in, draping his arms over Mel’or’s shoulders and dragging them away in an instant, avoiding to look at Shiro.

 

Okay, cool… No trouble! _That_ just happened, and it was really, really, really hecking awkward, but Shiro was still wearing his helmet so maybe he didn't catch a single word, right? He would've commented on it for sure if he had...

 

When they're far enough from Shiro — thank god, he isn't following them — Lance turns to Mel'or.

 

“Are you certain you're not wrong?” Lance is aware how he dragged away Mel’or wasn't very polite of the Diplomat of Voltron, but excuse him, he can't really think about manners now— this is so very embarrassing, he's shaking, and he's having a crisis.

 

Thankfully, Mel'or doesn't take it as an insult, nor do they judge Lance for being so unbelieving. They look at Lance with an honest smile and with so much patience and understanding shimmering in their dark irises Lance has only seen in his grandmother. He guesses it just comes with age; the want to support and to teach the youth.

 

“Look into your heart, I think you already know the answers you need” is all Mel'or says with a wide, warm smile on their face, tiny freckles glittering on his face silverly.

 

Elderlies are caring and wise, but they sure love talking in riddles.

 

* ** *

 

A while later Lance is back at the Castle again, somewhat calmer but still very much flustered. He was torn between talking to someone about this or just keeping it to himself and trying to forget about the strange incident, but he was too nervous and typically too excited to keep his mouth shut.

 

So this is how he's telling the others, minus Keith and Allura who are still with the Askerians, what happened now.

 

“...and then Mel'or walked up to me and said they recognised me from another life when I lived on Altea!”

 

“No way, dude!” Hunk comments, eyes wide with wonder.

 

“It's insane!” Lance throws up his arms in the air, still unbelieving of what's just happened, then he turns to Coran. “So… can this thing actually be true?”

 

“It might be!” Coran replies after much thought. “Some of these beings are older than Altea would be itself,” he nods, eyes glistening in nostalgia but voice saturated with sadness.

 

Lance notices the small shift in Coran’s mood, and he’s dying to do something; crack a joke and make Coran laugh but he can't really open his mouth right now. Probably his cheap attempts at comforting wouldn’t even work anyway.

 

Coran seems to snap out of the melancholy quite soon, appearing cheerful again.

 

“The Askeri plant and harvest all sorts of herbs, it is what they’re famous for. Altea was one of the many who traded with them,” he explains. Lance and Hunk are listening to him attentively, while Pidge, upon hearing anything nature-related mentioned, seems quite disinterested now, and they’re meddling with their computer.

 

Although Shiro is present as well, he stays a bit farther away from the scene, all contemplative and just too lost in his own head. Lance's heart is still racing thinking about what Mel'or has said, he's both relieved and disappointed that Shiro doesn't seem to care.

 

Disappointed, yes, but Lance is sadly not surprised.

 

“If I’m not mistaken,” Coran goes on, fingers working fast on the control panel, “there must be a record stored for every Altean. I can maybe retrieve the data for you if it hasn't been corrupted.”

 

Now that is something! Lance is tapping his foot against the floor nervously, he guesses it must be because of what happened with Mel'or and Shiro earlier. Sure, it was very uncomfortable, but he’s been through more disturbing things before, right? He just doesn’t really understand why he’s on the edge so much when Shiro seems completely unbothered by the whole thing.

 

Okay, Lance knows the reason, and his frustration partly comes from not being able to control himself now. He can’t lose his cool!

 

“Here it is!” Coran chimes, drawing Lance’s attention. Lance’s fidgeting on his seat, trying to calm himself down while Coran brings up the data. An image shows up, Lance is too lost in his thoughts to properly pay attention, and if it weren't for Coran’s troubled ‘ _Oh!_ ’ he would've just missed looking at it entirely.

 

“And that looks like you indeed.”

 

Lance needs a moment or two to process that the person on the holographic picture is indeed _not_ him. His features and skin tone are almost the same, his eyes a different, lighter, more vibrant shade of blue, hair long and silver, put up in a fancy kind of ponytail, which makes it visible that has an undercut. He also seems, if not older, at least more _mature_ than him. Lance is shaking but he stands up and walks up to Coran, eyes locked on… _himself?!_

 

“According to the archives, this is Lupo Soriel of Altea…” Coran looks at Lance in awe. “Unbelievable.”

 

“Is this really you?” Hunk walks closer too; eyes darting from the image to Lance repeatedly.

 

“And who was this guy exactly?” Pidge inches closer as well, quite intrigued now.

 

“The description is really brief and it's written in a more archaic version of the Altean language, but I think I can read some of it…” Coran muses, trying to read through the records. “These words are a little difficult to understand, but I think I can handle it,” he assures them, twisting his moustache confidently before he looks down at the text.

 

Low hums can be heard for a while as Coran is reading, Lance’s excitement growing by the second waiting for Coran to say something.

 

“Well, our Lupo Soriel seems to be of noble blood, and he was a healer. This also mentions that he was good with herbs—” He turns to Lance. “Probably that is why Mel’or even recognised you, you must have met in your previous life!”

 

Lance’s ears are ringing, he feels like he is underwater, or in a dream: a very surreal yet ever so realistic dream. But seconds turn to minutes and he still doesn't wake up. The revelation truly is a shocking one, but it's nothing he shouldn't be able to manage.

 

Besides, seeing himself from another life is pretty cool, right? His little nephews will go crazy if they find out!

 

As he conquers his inner turmoil, Lance can again focus on what Coran has to say as he continues to decipher the text.

 

“He was also skilled in _Ar’ detu_.”

 

“Arduh-what?”

 

“ _Ar’ detu_ — it's an armament,” Coran explains. “You have to use a _brrnstaff_ , hold it like this,” he demonstrates enthusiastically, “and you can propel _alviels_ with it; it’s mostly used in combat or for hunting.” Finishing his little presentation, he turns to the Earthlings. “You don't do it on Earth then?”

 

“Uhh, you mean a _bow_ and _arrow_? Like _archery_?” Hunk offers, imitating to shoot an imaginary target.

 

“Not quite right, but it appears similar enough,” Coran concludes before turning to Lance. “Archery?” He says, trying the foreign word on his tongue. “This kind of makes sense, though. You're a skilled marksman, aren't you?”

 

Lance can't really reply anything, so he just nods.

 

Although he feels like he is handling all this rather well — he isn't running around screaming hysterically, isn't he? — it is still a little too much information to take. The others either don't seem to notice how much quieter he's become just because they're simply too curious about all this, or they just don't point it out. Either way, Lance feels grateful to have a moment to collect himself and not have the castle of glass that is his confidence crumble.

 

“A healer and a master of archery, huh? Cool…” He comments for the first time in minutes, smiling and a little too playful despite the nervous vibrations coursing through him. “Though I'm a little disappointed I wasn't a royalty… I would've been a great king!” He gloats, crossing his hands behind his head causally, until something comes to his mind.

 

“Coran, can you make sure Allura and I aren't related, though?!”

 

“Lance, this isn't the time for that,” Shiro joins in the conversation for the first time. Lance actually forgot that Shiro, too, had been in the room, but he shouldn’t be surprised that Shiro is just all about dissing him. “We need to get ready for the celebration.”

 

Can it be over-exaggerating from Lance to think that today was a bit too much and they haven't even been halfway through it? He can't really decide as he watches Shiro leave, not paying any more attention to Lance.

 

Right, Lance isn't as important as a fancy diplomatic dinner with a weird alien race who live long enough to recognise people from other lifetimes. He gets it, totally.

 

But what is Shiro's problem anyway? It was a harmless joke!

 

And Lance only jokes for one reason: to lighten up the mood. Okay, there's actually another one: to prevent himself from breaking down he either masquerades his weaknesses with humour or cockiness. It's okay for Shiro not to like Lance or not finding his jokes funny, at least he should be nicer if they ought to work together for the sake of the universe!

 

But apparently, Shiro doesn't care about him enough to try to deepen their friendship. Can they even call themselves _friends_ for real? Probably not, for Shiro to always blow up on him for the smallest things must be simply because he doesn’t like Lance at all.

 

That is… okay, right? Even if Lance considers Shiro his friend, his _hero_ he is lucky to work with, but for Shiro… Lance is probably nothing more than an unpleasant teammate he's forced to bear with.

 

Right, no matter what Mel'or says, this isn't true; Lance wasn't living on Altea, and he surely wasn't living with Shiro. Mel'or probably didn't even mean it like that, them living actually _together together_ , they probably meant it in a sense that Shiro was an Altean too.

 

Lance just shouldn't overthink this.

 

Even if Coran found Lance’s Altean past self, and Lance is literally looking himself in the eye right now, there's no sign of Shiro with him. Mel'or might just be mistaken.

 

As if the universe is just answering Lance's thoughts, another holographic image appears as Coran is flipping through the data. There's another man with Lupo Soriel, a taller and stronger built, hair a livid shade of brown, long, soft-looking locks cascading down to his broad shoulders. The holo-image is pretty bad in quality (not to mention, how the colours are a bit false) but Lance _knows_ the man’s eyes are green with a very thin dark emerald rim around the iris while it’s a lighter shade around the pupil.

 

Wild earthquakes run through him, shaking his body as realisation hits. That person is—

 

“Wait… Is that Shiro? With… you?”

 

“Now that's interesting!”

 

Hunk is looking at Lance in amazement, Pidge too, although more speculatively, and Lance can swear he actually hears the gears rolling in their head, trying to understand what's actually the reason behind all this. Coran is twirling his moustache thoughtfully.

 

And as for Lance, his castle is crumbling, his world is shattering and he's full-on having an existential crisis now.

 

“But… I would, I _should_ remember something if that was really me but I don't have weird flashbacks or dreams! And I'm sure Shiro doesn't have them either…”

 

This can't be true. Reincarnation isn't real, even if that person resembles him, and the other one indeed looks like Shiro. A Shiro who is looking at that Lance with bright eyes and a small but even fonder smile on his face that just makes him appear even more beautiful than ever. _Softer_.

 

Lupo Soriel just appears the same, smiling at not-Shiro softly, eyes locked and their fingers twined; they're lost in their own world like nothing else exists around them.

 

Can they be in love with each other?  Stupid question, it just radiates off of them that they are. The longer Lance watches them, the more he’s convinced it must be the Universe’s cruelty and Karma taunting him for his many flaws and the mistakes he's done.

 

Because even though Lance is surely not indifferent about him, Shiro surely doesn't like Lance as a person in this life, and having to see this, _them_ , appearing as a _couple_ , is one hell of a torture.

 

This is just a joke, something with which to make fun of him, because if it were true, Shiro would have to like him back too. Isn't that how this whole soulmate thing works? If that's what it is, anyway…

 

It's absolutely ridiculous of Lance to overreact this; they could've been friends, or anything! It’s just one picture, he shouldn't jump into conclusions because of his wild imagination!

 

Lance is trying to come up with reasonable explanations, but he's aware he's in the very wrong: all it takes is just one look at the image, seeing how those two look at each other, eyes shining, their smiles brighter than any sunrise, and Lance…

 

He just cannot look at it anymore without having his heart breaking to pieces.

 

“Coran, would you turn it off?” He looks at Coran, eyes pleading. Coran seems a bit surprised at the sudden request but he turns off the hologram right away. Lance is both relieved and regretful.

 

“What? No, I wanna know more,” Pidge differs, too psyched up about the strange phenomenon. “Maybe you still have some Altean in you and that's why the Blue lion was on Earth? That's why Blue chose _you_?”

 

“Can't you just drop this, Pidge?”

 

“What? Why?! This is AMAZING, we have to—”

 

“I said _drop it_ , Pidge!”

 

Lance's voice echoes back from the walls, a heavy, harsh vibration circling around them, the tension almost visible. There's a short tick of angst-filled silence before anyone says another word.

 

“Whoah, why are you getting so upset over this?” Hunk enquires, full of concern.

 

“I'm not! I just _don't care_!” Well, maybe if Lance says it enough times, he might start to believe it.

 

“That's interesting because you seemed pretty excited a few doboshes ago.”

 

“I— Whatever…”

 

Lance, realising that this is completely out of his control, just turns around to leave, just when Shiro walks in with Keith. Thank goodness they weren't here to witness this, that would've just been the greatest humiliation ever.

 

“What happened?” Shiro's voice resonates in concern as he spots Lance, picking up on how the overall mood has changed since he left. Lance can't bring himself to look at him.

 

“Nothing.” His answer comes a bit harsher than he intended it to be, not saying anything else he just walks past Shiro and storms out of the control room.

 

Fancy diplomatic dinner or not, no one comes after him, fortunately.

 

* ** *

 

Probably more vargas have passed, Lance is just lying in his bed, mind crowded with thoughts, chest heavy with emotions. Even breathing seems too difficult for him right now.

 

He didn't need this. He thought he was over Shiro, that small, stupid crush from high school everyone gets over eventually if doesn't end up marrying; he didn't need to be reminded that it was all painfully one-sided, first harmless adoration went overboard.

 

Why would Shiro even be interested in him? Lance never was in his league and won't ever be.

 

To disturb his wallowing in self-pity, there's a knock on the door. After a bit of hesitation, Lance stands up and walks up to the door, hoping that he can get rid of the unwanted guest soon — he's just really not in a social mood right now.

 

The door whooshes open, and Lance actually forgets about everything as he spots Shiro standing there, tense and silent. Lance completely freezes up in his place, he can't even move or say anything, his shock only grows when Shiro finally breaks the silence.

 

“Are you alright?” Now of all people, Shiro is the last person Lance would ever expect to come to check on him for real.

 

“I'm great.” After he manages to open his mouth, Lance’s reply isn't lacking sarcasm. He really isn't in the mood to have a heart-to-heart right now, especially not with Shiro. He steps back, letting Shiro in however, blaming his own numbness — it's like he doesn't even have control over what's happening anymore, he's acting on autopilot, just going with the flow and bearing with whatever happens.

 

“Yes, I can see that,” Shiro says, his level of sarcasm just matching Lance's. “What did upset you so much?”

 

Does Lance really have to answer that, especially for Shiro of all people? Why is he even here? It surely must be Coran’s doing: he showed Shiro the archives, or Mel’or said something during the dinner, and now Shiro's only here to pity Lance. That's just straight up worse than continuing to give _no fucks_ about him.

 

Lance clenches his fist as his irritation grows unavoidably.

 

“It’s funny you're here asking me that.”

 

The sudden burst of accusation throws Shiro off a bit.

 

“I just…” he struggles to answer. “I came to check on you.”

 

“Sure.” Lance snorts.

 

“What—”

 

“Come on, Shiro, like you care about me at all!”

 

Wherever this is going, it isn't cool at all, but Lance feels like he's stepped over a line and there's no stopping now. He's fuming with rage, disappointment and frustration mingling with a bunch of other _fucking_ miserable emotions, from fury and pettiness to… jealousy. He's been hiding away his bitter feelings for so long, he was bound to snap sooner or later.

 

Shiro frowns, looking at Lance in awe.

 

“Lance, I do care about you—”

 

_Seriously?_

 

“Shiro, please…” This is really lame and Lance didn't expect this cheap lie from Shiro, the literal personification of righteousness and honour. “You look right through me most of the time and I suppose I'm not even a part of the team in your eye!”

 

The words slip off Lance’s tongue before he could stop them, he can't decide if Shiro is more bewildered or himself.

 

“That's… not true!” Shiro protests, although he rather looks unsure, probably the most uncollected Lance has ever seen him.

 

“Yeah?” Lance grins mockingly. “That's why you keep ignoring me like I'm not even present? Shutting me up like I'm just an inconvenience? It's one thing that Keith and everyone else is better than me, at least you should admit that you hate me!”

 

The truth is out, words echoing back from the walls threateningly like a distant thunderstorm. Lance feels out of breath as he’s laid everything on Shiro. He thought he would feel better after doing it, but he just feels empty inside now — it’s nothing better, and if he were about to use one word, the whole thing just got _worse_.

 

There's a moment of long, tension-filled silence before Shiro can say anything.

 

“I don't hate you!” His voice becomes higher as he differs, Lance thinks Shiro only doesn't take it really well that he's been caught and confronted, and he's probably trying to make the situation better.

 

So far, he's failing beautifully.

 

“I'm…” Shiro pauses, avoiding to look at Lance, voice low as he tries to say: “I'm really sorry that you think that… I—”

 

“No, Shiro,” Lance interrupts, maybe a bit too upset, but if they're really having this conversation now, he can make the most of it, right? Getting this off his chest is long overdue anyway. “I don't _think_ that, it's what I go through every single day! You either act like I don't even exist or I'm just super annoying—”

 

“That's not it!” Shiro raises his voice slightly, face flushed with anger. Lance thinks he's nearing his patience, which is a really rare sight.

 

Shiro is indeed getting all worked up at the unexpected argument. He could've seen it coming though — Lance is usually all smiles, appearing calm as still water, but when something hits a nerve in him, he is just as deadly as the sea during a wild storm.

 

Shiro would still argue and hold his ground, but Lance is right. He's been trying to keep it casual but he only ended up acting like a jerk with Lance at times. And this is exactly why Shiro hates this whole situation so much; you can just never win with getting stupid crushes on people you're obliged to defend the universe with for who knows how long.

 

Clearly, this can't be going on like this, he needs a different approach but what should he do in such a messy situation? Admitting the real reasons behind his attitude would surely ruin their relationship, and he can't do that to themselves, to the team, to everyone who needs Voltron.

 

But sometimes all this responsibility and the expectations that are burdening him are just too smothering, too much. Sometimes Shiro can't help but wish he could leave all this behind, to get some fucking rest finally, and just _be_ , have a little fun maybe.

 

Sure, he could have fun, if someone was resilient and stubborn enough to come and break down the thick and heavy walls he's built around himself, refusing to let others in or seek help. And even if that someone surely wouldn't make his demons just go away, they would make the battle more bearable and Shiro wouldn't feel so lost and alone.

 

Or probably not, and it's silly, and Shiro is well aware that he isn't alone, but the longing is there in him, the yearning for something he thought he was okay without is present, like strong claws capturing him, making him cling to a wish he can't fully comprehend for real.

 

Especially how sometimes, most often than he should, Shiro wishes that that someone was Lance, even if it's just a false ideal, he can't help but… want. He doesn't even know where this feeling has come from, or how it all began, probably after he got rescued and they had to be around each other, closer than they were at the Garrison.

 

But even if Shiro were asked to tell, he couldn't pinpoint a moment when he started to look differently at Lance. Lance was bright and warm, like the sun, and Shiro found himself in Lance's orbit like a comet, trapped on a deadly course, enchanted to get closer but so fated to just burn away and melt inevitably.

 

Getting closer to Lance is something he both just yearns for and is scared of, never really having felt this way before it's borderline terrifying — maybe that's why he is so adamant on keeping his distance; he doesn't want to be lit aflame and perish to nothing.

 

Despite his inner turmoil, Shiro is trying to find the words because he wants to make this right between them, he really does. He always was, still is, so good at supporting and motivating others whereas talking about himself and just being open doesn't go as naturally and easy as it used to. But even then, before Kerberos, he only opened up to the closest friends and his family, keeping most things to himself more often than he should've, stacking up problems for himself all the time.

 

But personal issues or not, Lance deserves better than this.

 

Shiro inhales slowly, until he can phrase what he wants to say carefully.

 

“Listen, you're not just someone to fill the place here… I believe we all have been chosen for a reason.” He knows this is really dry of him, but saying anything else would be just really stupid of him right now.

 

He just _can't_ and he _shouldn't_ even.

 

But no matter how much he's trying not to cross the line, the words still find their way somehow. It is inevitable, really.

 

“And I'm aware of you! More than I should…”

 

Those last words are nothing more than a whisper, Lance barely catches them. First he thinks he's just heard it wrong, but then Shiro, realising that Lance has indeed heard him, goes on before Lance could even let out a surprised _‘What?!’_

 

“All I’m saying is that I acknowledge your presence and your importance to the team. I'm sorry if I seem distant with you, or, like, I don't trust you on missions, I just…” Shiro stops to take a big breath. “I was usually by myself for a whole year. I got used to not to get too close to anyone, and I can't just forget about that. I'm sorry I'm not being so friendly with you, or with the others except Keith and Pidge, it's just… I need time.”

 

Lance's anger starts to dissolve at hearing that, and he begins to feel horrible for even fighting Shiro. The way Shiro always composes himself can easily be misleading, sometimes making it appear like he isn't suffering from PTSD at all. Something within Lance breaks every time he looks at Shiro, paying attention to how much his features changed through that one year; all that trauma and stress has made him look relatively older than his actual age.

 

He didn't deserve this.

 

“And it's not that I don't think you're fit for the job,” Shiro continues, voice much steadier now. “It's just…” He stops again, eyes focusing somewhere in the distance like he's lost in a memory, and Lance thinks he won't continue. He does however, and what he says seems like the eighth wonder of the world to Lance.

 

“The last time you got hurt, I couldn't do much about it. I don't want that again.”

 

Lance's eyes go wide in astonishment since Shiro has never told him anything like that before! His heart is fluttering in his chest, then he reminds himself it's just probably a very leader-y thing for Shiro: to feel responsible for his crew.

 

Right, Lance shouldn't overreact this. Maybe he's not Shiro’s favourite person but Shiro still came to check on him, even if it's just on duty. At least Lance can make it easier for him, Shiro doesn't need to worry about him! On the contrary, Shiro needs to worry about himself more than he does about others.

 

“I can take care of myself!” His former anger all gone now, Lance assures Shiro with a small but confident smile on his face. “I'm a good shooter!”

 

“I know, but there are situations…” Shiro clears his throat. “You can't always use your long-range rifle.”

 

Maybe Shiro is really handling the situation badly, maybe he's so influenced by his emotions and what happened in the past that he can't imagine Lance not getting into trouble on his own. Maybe he's overreacting for some reason… For a reason he actually knows well but he will never admit — it will be easier to get over it if he doesn't put it into words.

 

He’s got this.

 

“Then you could maybe give me a few tips on how to get better?”

 

Lance strangely feels brave enough to suggest this; something that he’s wanted for ages, to have Shiro as his mentor. He isn't a complete idiot and he noticed how Shiro froze the first time they were training together. Although that hardly ever happened since then, Lance still feels like it would be just too much to ask of Shiro, to have Shiro pamper him around like a baby being taught to walk.

 

But maybe it could help him? They're caught up in an intergalactic war, and if Shiro gets a panic attack in the middle of a fight…

 

Lance doesn't really want to think about what would possibly happen then, but he wants to help Shiro, and if Shiro’s not comfortable with that kind of physical action, he could still watch Lance, give feedback and prompt Lance to how to get better, and Lance would give anything to just simply spend time with Shiro outside obligatory missions or diplomatic events.

 

“At direct combat, I mean,” he adds, balancing from one foot to another as he suddenly feels a bit sheepish.

 

Shiro and him? Pff, they’ll never be anything close to lovers most definitely, but maybe they can be friends now. Being friends is cool, right? Most people don't even meet their heroes, yet Lance can actually be on a very important mission with his. He shouldn't be too greedy.

 

He remembers the moment when he heard of the Kerberos mission failure, remembers how he thought Shiro was _dead_. Now Shiro’s back, although broken and bruised, and he’s changed, but he is _alive_ , and Lance shouldn’t be so careless and selfish to take that for granted. Sure, the way Shiro treated him didn’t feel nice, but throwing such a tantrum isn’t cool either.

 

The problem might be within Lance. The daydreams and the expectations, and knowing how much of a legend Shiro is makes it really easy to put him on a pedestal and forget that he’s also human. Lance promises himself that he won’t, well, he _will_ _try_ not to make the same mistake again, and keep in mind that Shiro is just another, flawed man.

 

“You’re asking me to train you?” Shiro frowns. What Lance suggests shouldn't freak him out like that. He trained with his classmates a lot, it shouldn't make him feel like air is being kicked out of him. Training with Lance could be challenging, but nothing to worry about, except…

 

He is still a little reluctant to use his Galra hand against his teammates. Sure, he uses it if he has to and he knows he needs to accept that the arm is part of him now, but it just isn't going to happen from one day to another.

 

Lance is cursing himself for ever thinking it would be a good idea to imply such a thing— he's probably causing more harm to Shiro with his stupid eagerness than he does help. He needs to learn how to back off and not meddling when he clearly should stay away.

 

“Well, if you want?” After much thought and beating himself up mentally, he decides to give Shiro a way to turn him down. Lance hopes he won't, that only making him feel more horrible about himself, yet he ends up babbling, because he can't shut up. “I can practice by myself, like I usually do but that's not the same as having someone review me, or a real opponent…”

 

Okay, that's not actually true— Lance does have plenty opponents, there are the training droids but they usually sweep him off his feet in less than a tick, without telling him his flaws and what he should do differently to improve. Because as magical as this flying castle is, the Gladiators don't really talk back, and Lance has quite a history in trying that.

 

“You train? By yourself?” The piece of information is brand new and quite shocking, Shiro’s blinking like a fish, that feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach overtaken by raw surprise.

 

“Yeah, mostly just shooting,” Lance shrugs, happy to change the subject now because he shouldn't really push Shiro, and one of these days he ought to learn how not to mess things up. “I don't wanna get sloppy.”

 

Hearing that takes Shiro aback quite much. He didn't really think Lance could take anything seriously. Having to face how judgemental he’s been actually is quite a big blow for Shiro. He was just trying to keep his head clear, but he maybe ended up having it more clouded than ever. That's not really nice from a leader, is it?

 

It can happen he was projecting a bit too much. Also trying to keep his distance came off dismissively, and he was handling his… confusion over his emotions very unprofessionally, but that's what you get for having unwanted feelings for your team member.

 

But it's not Lance's fault what Shiro is going through, and Shiro shouldn't let his personal feelings come in the way and interfere with his responsibilities as the Black Paladin. His attitude needs to change, and his unwanted feelings need to go away.

 

Trying to stay away from Lance clearly isn't working, so he has to push down this madness— it’s like it doesn't even exist if he just ignores it. That way, he can nurture a good friendship with Lance maybe.

 

“I don't think you can ever be sloppy when you were able to shoot Sendak half conscious,” Shiro tries to smile encouragingly, even if talking about the incident leaves his stomach tremble.

 

Lance's eyes go wide, he's blinking like a guppy, cheeks visibly flushed.

 

“T-thanks.”

 

Now that’s brand new and strange, a little bit unnatural even, but Lance would lie if he said he didn’t like it, Shiro just openly praising him like that. His mind is on a roll, his body too small to contain the absurd and ridiculous happiness that floods him upon hearing those positive words directed at him.

 

In fact, Lance wants to run away and punch himself for being so lame.

 

“I mean it.” Shiro smiles some more, and Lance is definitely dead by this point. “And I'm sorry I made you feel that way. It wasn't my intention.” Shiro apologises, placing his left hand on Lance’s shoulder in an attempt of comfort, but he's quick to pull away.

 

Where Shiro's warm hand touched Lance for a moment, now it's cold and aching. Lance needs a few seconds to collect himself and be able to respond, having gone from utter bliss to excruciating hurt in a matter of seconds. It's pretty funny and unbelievable how such small acts can mean so much.

 

“I should say I'm sorry I lashed out on you too, but I'm not sorry we discussed this.” He says after a while, relieved that his voice isn't wavering.

 

There's a minor tremble of Shiro's lips, and it's probably the farthest Lance will ever go to make him laugh. He books it as victory.

 

“Seriously, I'm sorry, though.” Feeling a bit braver now, Lance adds, “I know you're going through a lot…”

 

Idiot. He's just agreed with himself that he shouldn't be so pushy, now he's so direct, and it's just pretty fucking inconsiderate. Stupidity or not, Shiro is just so closed off and Lance only wants to make sure he's okay. Leaders need someone to check on them too.

 

_I just… really wanna help you… Let me help you._

 

“I can handle myself but thank you,” Shiro replies, taking a step back.

 

Lance would disagree with that, but he knows better. Clearly, he isn't the right person for Shiro. He can't take care of him like he'd love to, he can't just force Shiro to open up to him if Shiro doesn't want to. He shouldn't wish all the time and dream about things he can't have, he should appreciate what's in front of him and count his blessings.

 

For one, they’ve just had this very important conversation, and it's something, and now there's an open field for them to build a closer friendship. They've actually made more progress today than through all those months spent together, which is pretty crazy, right?

 

Lance is too full of emotions, he still is just so selfish never wanting this moment to end, but it's probably better for Shiro to go now before Lance messes up big time again.

 

As if reading Lance’s mind, Shiro says, “I should get going, it's late.”

 

Despite having just said that, Shiro doesn't seem to move, he's fidgeting from one foot to another, making Lance wonder but he keeps quiet. Eventually, Shiro speaks some more.

 

“We're staying here for tomorrow, so you can go and meet the locals once again,” Shiro doesn't even know why he's talking about this, he should go but he doesn't want to, and his mouth weirdly runs on its own as he adds:

 

“They missed you from dinner.”

 

That isn't really a mystery. Lance just has an all over friendly aura, people are just naturally drawn to him. He's kind-hearted, selfless and easy-going, and everyone loves to be around him. Shiro feels just the same, he can't blame Lance for being who he is, and Shiro knows they could be good friends even. The problem is with himself, he's pissed with himself for stepping over the line despite all his efforts and having thoughts and emotions he just _shouldn't_.

 

Because of them, he finds it difficult to keep his head clear and focused, because of them, he's hurt Lance. Trying to keep his distance didn't turn out so well, and he knows he needs a different approach.

 

Training with him can maybe work. They actually do it every day, it's common for them, it is _safe_. Shiro will tell Lance that he's okay with it, that they can spend some extra time on improving their skills, just the two of them, but now—

 

“I'll go now, it's late,” Shiro repeats what he's said not so long ago, urging his body to move now, trying to ignore the belittling voice in his head that he's a coward for running away. He comforts himself that it's just better for Lance anyway.

 

Shiro feels like they've indeed set for the right direction to develop a closer friendship, but he shouldn't overstep his own boundaries. Lance has probably gotten over their whole argument already, as Shiro knows Lance, he's the type to burst when provoked but cool down not long after. Lance is probably not even angry with Shiro anymore.

 

It's all on Shiro however, because each minute he's around Lance, he feels like it's harder to keep his distance, and he can't afford to make a mistake, not when so many lives are on stake. Not when he isn't ready for all this. Not when Lance doesn't feel the same way.

 

Shiro's too wrapped up in his own mind to notice the disappointment on Lance's face, but Lance is quick to recover and shake it off— this is probably the longest, most meaningful conversation he's had with Shiro, and he shouldn't be so selfish.

 

He can't help wanting to make the special moment last a little while longer, though.

 

“Hey, Shiro,” Lance waits until Shiro looks back at him above his shoulder, stopping inches away from the door. “Thanks… for checking up on me.”

 

Shiro nods, his smile warming up the cold hole in Lance's heart, but before Lance could be revelling in the comforting warmth of it, Shiro's left.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I really love Shance and I'm a sucker for reincarnation, so writing this was (is) the biggest fun.
> 
> Next part should come out in a few (weeks), depending on how fast I can finish it.
> 
> Some additional stuff:
> 
> \- sorry for any kind of errors that still remained after re-reading and editing, especially about gender pronouns. we dont have it in my native language, and i tend to mix them up still
> 
> \- i used they/them for the aliens because i thought of plants while coming up with them
> 
> \- also Lance loving Lucky Luke is something i didnt know I headcanoned, but it's my jam now
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading, and feedback is greatly appreciated!


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